A Father's Love
by CallMeGeneralAwesome
Summary: One-shot. Clay and Logan talk about Sara. Clay/Logan father/son fluff. Many mentions of Clay/Sara. Mentions of Clay/Quinn. There is just a lot of Clay in this story. Spoilers through 9x12, some mention of pre-S7 semi-AU events. **Second chapter with Sara's POV has been added**
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone. So I think we can all agree that Logan, Clay and Sara's son, is probably the cutest kid ever. So, I was inspired to write a fic involving him and Clay. Clay/Sara will be prominent, but Clay/Quinn will be mentioned. So, I hope you all enjoy this! :)**

**I don't owe anything you are about to read.**

"Yes!" Logan said, smiling and throwing his hands in the air with happiness. "I bet you _again,_ Clay!"

Clay smiled at the sight of his son smiling. "Yes, you did kiddo. I think you unseated Quinn as the undisputed king of Uno."

Quinn rolled her eyes at her fiancé as Logan asked "What does 'undisputed' mean?"

"It means no one in the whole world is better than you at Uno," Quinn said.

"Well, I don't know about the _whole_ world," Logan said, cocking his head to the side as he thought. "The world is really big."

Clay chuckled. "That's true, buddy, but you are _definitely_ the best in the room."

Logan smiled, which drew smiles from Clay and Quinn. Quinn started to clean up the cards and Clay stood up.

"Okay, Logan, it is bedtime," Clay said.

Logan sighed as he got up. "Okay," he said reluctantly.

"Go brush your teeth and put on your jammies, I'll be there in a bit to tuck you in," Clay said.

"Okay," Logan called over his shoulder as he walked out of the room and towards his bedroom.

It was only Logan's second night in the house, and already Clay loved how comfortable Logan was there.

That wasn't the only thing Clay loved, though. "I love that you're so good with him," Clay said to Quinn.

Quinn looked up as she put the cards back in the box. "He's a great kid, Clay. Besides, he's _your _son; how could I not love him?"

Clay smiled and wrapped Quinn in a hug once she stood up. "I can't wait to marry you."

Quinn looked up and kissed his cheek. "I can't wait to marry you, either. I can't wait for us to really be a family."

Clay's smile got even wider. "I love you so much, Quinn James. And I love how accepting you are of all this."

"Clay-."

"No, please let me say this," Clay said, not letting Quinn object. "I know this isn't how you imagined having a family, I know you probably thought that things would happen differently but I just want to say thank you for staying and being here and doing this with me. It means everything to me that you are still here with me and with Logan."

"Clay, I would never go anywhere," Quinn said, turning out of Clay's hug, taking his hand and looking him in the eye. "Sara is Logan's mother and she always will be. I know you're going to make sure Logan knows who she was and I want to help you do that. So, Sara will always be his mother but I am so happy to help you raise him. Sara would have been such an amazing mother and you'll be such an amazing dad, I'm just worried about how'll I do at this." She looked at the floor.

"Hey, Quinn," Clay said, lifting Quinn's chin with his finger. "You're going to be great. Logan loves you; he is so happy that you are here. You helped him overcome his fear of the ocean yesterday and he was so happy to give you his ring. You already have a great connection with him. You'll be great."

Quinn gave her fiancé a kiss.

"Have you told Nate about our engagement yet?" she asked.

Clay shook his head. "Nah. I figured you'd want Haley to be the first to know."

Quinn smiled. "Thank you. I'll tell her tomorrow or the next day."

"I'm honestly kind of surprised you didn't run out of the tent and call her as soon as I proposed," Clay said with a chuckle, earning him a playful slap on the arm.

"Hey!" Quinn said.

"Seriously, though, I am kind of surprised she doesn't know yet," Clay said. "I thought you'd tell her today."

"It isn't that I don't want her to know," Quinn said. "She is just so busy with Nathan being back and she just ran that Burning Boat festival and Jamie and Lydia are home again. I didn't want to distract her from anything that she needed to focus on."

"I get that," Clay said. "But this is good news! I want to tell everyone I know. I know we always said we were good with how we were, but now I can not wait to marry you, Quinn James."

"I am so excited to marry you, Clay," Quinn said. "You do know that the second I tell Haley and Brooke, the two of them are going to go crazy with wedding planning."

"Is that bad?" Clay asked.

"It is…crazy," Quinn said. "I don't care about having a big wedding, I just want to be with you forever, Clay Evans."

"Well, that can be arranged," Clay said with a jokingly mischievous grin. He looked down at his watch. "I'm going to go tuck in Logan."

"Oh, okay. Should I come with you, or…?" Quinn said.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go solo on this one, if that's okay," Clay said.

"Of course," Quinn said. She gave him a quick kiss then let her lips linger near his ear. "Then when you're done, meet me back out here and we can celebrate our engagement with the champagne I bought this afternoon."

Clay smiled, then headed for Logan's room.

He passed through the doorway as Logan walked in to the room from his bathroom.

"Did you brush your teeth and your hair, buddy?" Clay asked.

"Yep," Logan said as he pulled back his sheets and climbed into bed.

"Good job," Clay said as he pulled the sheets up over his son. He sat down on the bed, just past where Logan's feet were.

"Thank you for taking that picture of us," Logan said, referring to the picture he put in the frame with the one of Sara.

"No problem, buddy," Clay said. "It is important to have pictures of your family around, so you can always know that we always love you."

Logan smiled. "I love you, too. I'm glad you stopped wandering."

Clay smiled. "I'm glad I found what I was looking for."

After a short silence, Logan spoke up. "Can you tell me about my mom? Grandma and Grandpa told me about her all the time, but I want to hear what you thought of her."

Clay smiled solemnly. "Logan, your mom was an amazing woman. She was fearless and beautiful and strong. She had blonde hair, just like you," he said, ruffling Logan's hair. "Did your grandparents tell you how I met your mother?"

Logan nodded. "They said you when you were in school."

Clay smiled. "Yeah. We were in college. I met her when I bunch of people were hanging out and jumping into a lake. She was scared to jump in, but I convinced her to jump in with me on the count of two."

"The count of two?" Logan asked with a slight laugh in his voice.

Clay laughed. "Yeah, the count of two. I told her it could be our thing, something to tell our kids and grandkids about." He was silent for a moment, as it hit him again that Sara wasn't here to tell this to their child. "Your mom loved you so much, Logan. When we found out we were going to have a son, your mom was so excited. She couldn't wait to meet you and raise you and I remember that she was so excited to see you grow up." Clay was silent for another moment as he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry she isn't here for that, buddy."

"Why did she have to go?" Logan asked in the most innocently sweet voice that Clay thought his heart was going to melt.

"She had to go up to heaven, buddy," Clay said. "It was her time to go. I can't explain it, and I am so sorry for that. It was just her time. I just want you to know that she never wanted to leave you and she isn't going to leave you, not completely, not ever."

"I know," Logan said. "Grandma and Grandpa told me all the time that Mom is watching over me from heaven."

Clay smiled, hoping that his tears wouldn't overflow from his eyes. "They're right, buddy. Your mom is watching over you and she is so, so proud of you. And she loves you."

Logan smiled. "So what happened after you jumped into the lake?"

Clay smiled as he wiped his eyes. "Your mom kissed me and from then on I was a goner. That was the moment I fell completely in love with your mom."

"When did you get married?" Logan asked.

"Well, I feel I should mention that your mom proposed to me, I didn't propose to her," Clay said. "I mean, I knew I was going to, at some point, but your mom just beat me to it. It was right after college and I was worried about a job interview, so I asked your mom for fashion advice. She told me to wear a button down shirt, jeans, and a wedding ring because it made me look mature. When I told her I wasn't married, she told me to marry her. It was the third happiest day of my life."

"What were the first two?" Logan asked.

"The first was when I actually married your mom, which was the weekend after she proposed," Clay said. "Your mom's parents and my parents came and watched us get married by a friend of my dad's who is a priest. And the happiest day of my life was the day you were born, Logan."

Logan smiled. "So you and Quinn are going to get married?"

Clay smiled. "Yep," he said. "Actually, I wanted to ask you about that. How would you feel about being my best man?"

Logan made a face. "What does a best man do?"

"Well, usually the best man gives a speech at the reception, but you don't have to do that if you don't want to," Clay said. "Mostly you just stand next to me at the wedding and look more handsome than I do. Which, for you, shouldn't be difficult."

"I have to stand in front of all those people?" Logan asked.

"Well, you don't have to," Clay said. "You know what? You could be the ring bearer instead," he suggested. "Considering how clutch you were with the ring yesterday."

"What's a ring bear?" Logan asked.

Clay chuckled. "A ring bear_er_. You basically hold onto the wedding rings until Quinn and I put them on each other."

"I could do that," Logan said. "Will they be rings like my Green Lantern ring?"

"Probably not," Clay said. "But they will still be cool, I promise."

"Okay," Logan said with a smile.

"So are you all set for sleep, or do you want me to read you a story?"

Logan looked Clay in the eye. "Could you tell me another story about my mom?"

Clay smiled. "Of course." He took a deep breath, thinking of a good story to tell. He finally decided on a good one, then began. "On your mom and my first wedding anniversary, I was away on business. I didn't want to be away, but it was my first real job in the sports agency field and your mom knew it was important. So, she told me to go and that we would celebrate when I got back. We lived here in North Carolina but I was all the way in Pennsylvania trying to get a girl soccer player to sign with my agency."

"Did you sign her?" Logan asked.

"No," Clay said. "She ended up going into law enforcement after college. She was a nice kid, though. Anyway, I was away on business. I finished working around seven or eight or so that night, so by the time I was done I was pretty worn out and I missed your mom. So, I called your mom, because she always made me feel better. She didn't answer, though, so I figured she was already asleep or that she didn't have her phone on her. So, I figured I'd just go to sleep and go back home first thing in the morning. But when I went into the hotel lobby, I saw your mom. She drove all the way up to Pennsylvania to be with me on our anniversary."

"So what did you do to celebrate?" Logan asked.

"Uh…" Clay stammered, trying to find the most PG-version of this. He decided to skip over the parts he didn't find to be appropriate. He smiled as a memory came back to him. "We said hello to each other then went upstairs to my room and stayed up talking until like four in the morning."

"That late?" Logan asked incredulously.

Clay smiled. "Yep. When you are talking to someone you love, time seems to fly like that. We completely lost track of time that night."

"What did you talk about?" Logan asked.

Clay smiled. "Well, first I asked what she was doing all the way in Pennsylvania. She told me that when she woke up, she realized that she really wanted us to be together on our anniversary. Instead of flying up, she chose to make the seven and a half drive all the way up to Gettysburg. She stopped in each state she drove through and picked up something from the first store she saw. Before she left North Carolina she bought me an anniversary card. In Virginia, she bought a gift bag to put her gifts in. In Maryland, she bought a Baltimore Orioles baseball cap because someone I worked with had just been signed to the Orioles. Once she got to Pennsylvania, she decided to buy something at the gift shop in the hotel instead of going to a random store she saw on the road. She told me that she had no idea what to buy until she walked all the way to the back of the store and saw a box of discounted stickers on the shelf." Clay smiled to himself again. "She said she looked through the box for a bit, then finally found the perfect gift: a packet of Wolverine stickers."

"Wolverine?" Logan asked. "Isn't that the superhero with the same real name as me?"

Clay nodded. "Yep. Actually, you were named after Wolverine. He is my favorite superhero, and your mom knew that. Once I read the card and put on the cap and saw the stickers, I felt bad because I didn't have anything to give your mom. I had arranged for flowers to be delivered to our house during the afternoon, but she was already on the road by the time they were delivered. I dug around in my pockets to see if I had anything she would like but all I had was this really cool fountain pen that my boss gave me for my first big trip. I gave it to her, hoping she would like it. After that, we discussed how fountain pens never seem to have a good amount of ink flowing in them."

Clay paused for a moment, trying to compose himself as a certain other memory involving conversation about pens flooded his mind.

"Ah, anyway, after the conversation about the pens, I asked your mom about our future, about what we were going to do since I traveled often and what was going to happen when we had kids and stuff like that," Clay said. "To be honest, I was panicking, buddy. I was scared to be separated from your mom for long amounts of time or by large distances because I didn't want to make her spend time alone."

"What'd mom say to that?" Logan asked.

"Well, she said I would never have to worry about her being alone," Clay said. "And she said that she didn't want me to worry about her so much. She told me that she understood that there were certain things I had to do and that she loved me for having a dream and going after it. Your mom reassured me that I was doing the right thing, by chasing my dream. I wanted to be the kind of person that chased my dreams, because that was the kind of person your mom deserved."

"So then what happened?"

"Then your mom told me that she loved me and that everything was going to be okay," Clay said. "Your mom was always good at calming me down and making sure I knew it was all going to be okay. Then, she told me there was another reason that she drove up to see me that day."

"What was it?" Logan asked.

"Well, buddy," Clay began, smiling as the memory washed over him. "That morning, was the morning your mom found out that she going to have you. She decided that she didn't want to tell me over the phone and she didn't like to fly on airplanes alone, so she drove."

"Mom didn't like airplanes?" Logan asked.

"You know how you were afraid of the ocean?" Clay asked. Logan nodded. "Your mom was like that with airplanes. You know how you weren't afraid of the ocean when you went into it with Quinn? Well, ever since that day we jumped into the lake, your mom was afraid of heights unless I was with her."

"So she drove for seven and a half hours to see you?" Logan asked. "Because of me?"

Clay smiled. "Yeah, buddy, pretty much. We didn't even know you yet, but your mom was so excited that she wanted to tell me in person as soon as possible. That's why we stayed up so late that night; we were both so excited that we couldn't sleep, we just talked for hours about what we thought you'd be like and what'd it be like to be parents."

"Mom really loved me, huh?" Logan asked.

"More than anything," Clay replied. "You were her favorite person in the entire world. And you really loved her, too. When you were a baby you cried almost every night, but as soon as your mother picked you up and put you in her arms, you stopped. She'd sing with you and dance gently around the room with you in her arms and you'd calm down."

"And you love me, right?" Logan asked.

"Of course I do, Logan," Clay said. "I know I missed a lot with you, and I am so, so sorry. But I want to make it up to you and be in your life and be the best father I can be."

Logan smiled. "Thank you for finding me."

Clay smiled. "I love you, Logan," he said.

"I love you too," Logan said.

Clay smiled wider. "Okay, now it is time to go to sleep." He leaned over to kiss Logan's forehead then stood up. "Good night, son."

"Good night, Dad," Logan said.

Clay felt his heart swell at the sound of those words as walked out of the room, turned off the light, and shut the door behind him.

He walked towards the kitchen where Quinn was waiting.

"I'm sorry, I'm not in much of a drinking mood tonight, Quinn," Clay said.

"I figured," Quinn said. "The champagne is still in the fridge. We can save it for another day."

Clay nodded, but didn't talk. He sat down and stared at the floor.

"Do you want to talk, or…?" Quinn said.

"My son's mother is dead," Clay said abruptly. "The mother of my child is dead, Quinn. Logan, my son, is never going to have his mother. He won't remember anything personal about her because he was too young when she died. He'll only remember the things he is told about her."

Quinn walked over to Clay and hugged him so that he could cry into her chest.

"Sara's dead," he said through his tears. "I accepted that, I moved on, but…Logan doesn't have his mother and that is _killing_ me. That is tearing me up inside. How can he grow up without his mom, Quinn? I can't even imagine how he feels; he is so young and he never even knew his mother."

Quinn rubbed Clay's back as his cries turned into sobs. "Shhh, it is going to be okay, Clay. It is going to be okay," she said, trying to sooth her clearly distraught fiancé.

"I know I'm not alone in this," Clay said after he composed himself enough to speak. "I have you to help me raise him and I am so grateful for that, but…"

"He still needs his mom," Quinn said. "I know, baby, I know." She felt her own heart breaking, seeing Clay so upset. She knew that all Clay wanted was the best for his son and now the loss of Sara is hurting him more than it had in years.

"He is never going to know her, Quinn," Clay cried. "He is never going to know his mother."

Quinn didn't know what to say, she did not know what could possibly be said t make Clay feel better right now she stood there, stroking his hair with one hand and rubbing his back in the other, all while shushing him gently.

"He's never going to know her," Clay kept repeating as he cried.

**The end.**

**So this was pretty heavy. I planned on a lot of Clay/Sara fluff with a bit of Clay/Quinn fluff, but this ended up sadder than I thought it would be. I like it though. I like the idea of Clay breaking down because he can not handle the thought of his son not knowing his own mother. Logan was probably only a few months old when Sara died, so** **Logan can't remember her. I hope Clay's emotion came across well, like his happiness with Quinn at the beginning and his sad-but-happy-sort-of nostalgia about Sara and then him breaking down at the end. I hope you all like it. It might have been a bit OOC at points and for that I apologize; I am not the most comfortable writing these characters because I don't know them the best. But I hope it was close enough to canon for you guys. :) I tried to be as factual as possible with the stuff from the show, like Logan's ring and the timeline of them being on the beach and then sleeping in the tent that night. Please excuse any inaccuracies.**

**Please review! It would be so, so appreciated. Thank you so much for reading and have a great day!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Howdy y'all. So pretty much since I wrote the first chapter of this fic, I toyed with the idea of writing a part two or a chapter two or whatever you wish to call this. So here that is.**

**This is going to be completely from Sara's POV, which should be interesting to write because I don't think I've ever written from her POV before. Nonetheless, I hope y'all like this and find my version of Sara to be convincing.**

**This is like Sara's POV through the events of the story Clay tells Logan.**

**I don't own any of these characters or anything you see here (but if I did, Sara would have made more appearances in the series after S7 just saying)**

I woke up to a half empty bed; my husband Clay was away on business. I sighed, wishing he were here with me. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, so my feet hovered over the floor. I looked down at my hands that were in my lap and smiled to myself when I caught sight of the bright, golden band on my left ring finger.

Today is the first anniversary of my wedding to my amazing husband, Clay Evans. It feels good to have that thought in my head, even if Clay isn't here with me. That's the thing about our relationship; I want him to follow his dream and I know that involves traveling, but no distance is great enough to make us really feel alone. Our wedding rings are reminders that we have each other, even if we aren't physically with each other. I love it this way, the two of us, connected even though we are currently separated by miles of land.

Clay is in Pennsylvania now, just outside of Gettysburg. When his boss gave him the assignment to travel this week, Clay wanted to say no because he knew it would mean missing our anniversary. I told him not to worry about it, though. His dreams are important and I want to make them come true for him, so if it means he has to miss an anniversary, that is okay. We can celebrate when he gets back.

I sigh as I get out of bed. I made sure I went to bed at a reasonable hour last night – no reason to stay up late if Clay isn't here to keep me up, if you know what I mean – and it isn't that early right now, but I am still really tired. I've been tired like this for a few days now, and I thought it was just because of stress from work, but this is getting a little ridiculous.

I shuffle my tired feet into the kitchen, thinking that a cup of coffee will wake me up. I open up the fridge to make sure we have milk – can't have coffee without some milk to put in it – and I spot a pitcher of grape kool-aid.

Eh, what the hell.

I take out the pitcher and pour myself a glass. I know it is probably too early in the morning for this and I'll regret it later when the sugar rush wears off and I crash, but I'll worry about the consequences later. After taking a big sip, I am definitely regretting this choice, though.

I hurry to the bathroom and throw up into the toilet.

Oh no. This is not happening today, too. I got sick like this yesterday, too, but just chalked that up to the new Chinese restaurant in town that I ordered dinner from.

Then the realization dawns on me: tired consistently for the past few days, sick – especially in mornings – for two days now, and, now that I think about it, I am definitely at least a little late. Someone tell me this isn't happening right now.

_Don't panic, Sara_, I think to myself. This isn't bad, not at all. It is just overwhelming. Clay and I have only been married for a year, he isn't even home with me now.

_Okay, Sara, do not panic. This could be a good thing, a very good thing, okay?_ I thought to myself again. Clay and I have discussed having kids before, both of us wanted them. And I know Clay will make an amazing father.

We're both still so young though….

But we're married…our relationship is solid. This isn't going to mess up our relationship or our lives, it is only going to make it better. I guess this means now is the time to stop freaking out and go find a way to be certain about this…

It's a good thing I have a good friends who's a doctor.

* * *

><p>"Thanks again for squeezing me in today for this," I said to my doctor friend Jess. I called her and she said she was having a slow day at work so she could fit me in for a quick pregnancy test.<p>

"Absolutely not a problem," Jess said. She had already done the tests she needed to and now was back with the results.

She held out the paper in her hands to me.

"What does this all mean?" I asked, taking the paper in my hand, my breath catching in my throat. Holy crap, this is real. This is happening, this is a really, really important moment. What Jess says next about the test results printed on the sheet of paper will have a major impact on my life.

_Okay, Sara, take a breath._ Jess, somehow sensing that I wasn't quite ready, was silent for a moment and walked next to the exam table I was sitting on. She put one arm around my shoulders. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "Just a little…overwhelmed. Sorry, just…please tell me what this all means." I smiled at her encouragingly.

"Alright," she said, smiling back. "This right here," she pointed at a line of text with some acronym I can't remember and a percentage next to it "shows the level of hormones in your blood that would indicate pregnancy. And your levels are elevated."

I inhaled sharply. "So…that means…" I couldn't get the words out, my head was spinning.

"You are going to have a little Evans baby in about eight months," Jess said with a huge grin. "Congrats!"

I couldn't talk. Based on this morning events, I pretty much figured this was happening but to hear it out loud made it seem so much more real. I just stared at the paper, but my vision quickly clouded as my eyes got teary.

Damn it, I am not one to cry easily, but with this…I can't help it.

"Sara," Jess said. "Are you okay? I mean, are you alright with this? Because we can discuss options-"

"No," I said quickly. "No options. I am so happy with this, I can't talk." I laughed and smiled. "I am so happy! I am having Clay's baby, how could I ever want to change that?"

Jess smiled in relief. "I am really happy for you, Sara."

"Thank you," I said. I took a deep breath. "The baby is healthy, right? You can tell if it is, can't you?"

"Don't worry, there weren't any abnormalities in the test results," she said. "And your baby isn't an 'it'."

I laughed. "I know, I just don't know what pronoun to use. So 'it' it is."

"Well you're about five weeks now, so you've got about fifteen weeks or so until you find out the sex," Jess said. "But yeah, little baby Evans looks healthy. I can set you up with a really good OB, though, because this isn't my specialty."

I smiled. "Thank you, Jess."

"Anytime, Sara," she said. "I am really, really happy for you and Clay. You two are going to be amazing parents."

I smiled briefly, but then I realized: Clay needs to know about this, I have to tell him. What if he's not happy? What if this isn't what he wants?

Crap, I'm panicking again. I really need to stop doing that today; I am Sara Evans and Sara Evans does not panic, at least not like this multiple times a day.

Maybe I can just blame it on hormones.

"When does Clay get back?" Jess asked.

"Tomorrow," I said. "He was not happy to miss our anniversary today, but I told him we could just celebrate when he got back."

"Well, if you ask me, this is a pretty awesome anniversary gift," Jess said. "Sorry, but I have a patient coming in soon, so I have to go." She hugged me really quick before making her way to the door. "Congratulations, Sara."

I smiled. "Thank you." She walked out, but I was left with a good idea.

* * *

><p>I went home, with a stupid grin plastered on my face. I was happy, like really happy. The initial shock of the news wore off and left behind it a warm feeling of content. Not content, <em>elation.<em> I am so thrilled about this and I am sure Clay will be too.

So, this leads to me coming up with this idea. Gettysburg is like an eight hour drive from home, but it is still my and Clay's anniversary and Clay deserves a great gift. So a great gift he shall get. I'm going to drive up to Gettysburg and surprise him.

I went into the bedroom and packed a few things I figured I'd need: clothes to sleep in, toothbrush, hairbrush, and clothes to wear tomorrow.

Once satisfied with the things I packed, I quickly printed out directions from the computer and headed out.

* * *

><p>I was about half an hour from home when I realized that maybe it was a little weird for me to show up at Clay's hotel with only a gift that he couldn't see or hold for eight and a half months. I should probably get him an anniversary card, at least.<p>

So, I stop at a Hallmark store and try to find the perfect card.

It takes a while, but I did it. I find a card that perfectly straddles the line between too sappy to be taken seriously and too funny to be sincere.

I paid for the card then went back to my car. I spend another half an hour carefully writing out a more personal message to Clay in the inside flap of the card:

Dear Clay,

I love you more than words will ever possibly say. That wasn't supposed to rhyme but I guess that is just what you do to me: you make me rhyme. You also make me smile like no one else ever has, you make me laugh like no one ever has, and you make me feel loved like no one ever has. I am so crazily in love with you, Clay Evans. It is a little ironic that the man who convinced me to jump off a bridge actually ended up saving me. You have made my life better than it has even been before and I know that my life will be beyond wonderful because I have you. You are the best husband a girl could ask for and I am lucky to have you. We burn so bright together. A year ago today we exchanged our vows and you've upheld every single one of them, like I always knew you would. This first year of marriage hasn't been easy – we were separated often and it sometimes got a little chaotic – but it has absolutely been worth it. I have a feeling that our life together is going to get pretty chaotic in the next year, but I know we can handle it. If I learned anything in this last year, and from before we were married, it is that you make me strong, Clay Evans. So, here is to this one year of strong marriage, and I know the future of our marriage will be amazing.

I love you so much,

Sara

Okay, maybe my message was a little sappy but I think sometimes Clay doesn't think about all the ways he's made my life better. Today is a good time to remind him, I'm guessing.

Satisfied with the message on the card, I smiled and put the card in my purse, then drove away.

* * *

><p>While driving through Virginia, I noticed a bunch of billboards along the Interstate that advertised gift shops that were on the road. I smiled to myself as I came up with another idea.<p>

I stopped at a random gift shop, deciding I needed a gift bag for the gifts I'm going to buy on the way to Gettysburg.

Clay always said that blue was his favorite color, although that wasn't some big secret seeing as nearly every room in our apartment had at least something blue in them, like walls, furniture, or curtains.

Before I knew Clay, I didn't really have a favorite color. But, after I met him, I soon fell developed a deep fondness for the color blue, because to me it represented Clay. I grew to love soft blue, like the color of Clay's eyes. I also grew to love the various shades of blue around Clay's apartment. The color blue also reminds me of the day I met Clay – the beautiful blue sky above us, the deep, green-tinted water below us. A lot of people associate the color blue with sadness, but I don't think I ever will, not after knowing Clay.

So, in the gift shop, I begin my search for the perfect blue gift bag. I wandered around the eclectic shop, on occasion getting distracted by the various knickknacks that were for sale. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted it: the perfect gift bag. I know, it is a little ridiculous to try so hard to find a "perfect gift bag" but I want things to be perfect for Clay. Work has been very stressing for him lately and I know he can't be too happy today because he would rather be home.

I pay for the bag and then head out again.

* * *

><p>Once I reached Maryland, I knew exactly what would make a perfect gift for Clay. He had just made a major deal, one of his clients just signed a huge, multi-million dollar deal with the Baltimore Orioles. Clay was so worried that the deal wouldn't work out or that he would somehow mess it up. I believed in him, though, and told him so often.<p>

So, anyway, this Orioles deal was huge for him. It put him on his bosses' radar and made them see that he is damn good at his job. That deal is a big part of why Clay has so much work now, it showed his bosses that he could be trusted so they gave him more work, which meant more travel.

I figured Clay needed something to commemorate the deal that changed his life so much and really got his career rolling. I also always told Clay that he would look good in a hat. So, I'm going to find an Orioles cap for him. I found one at yet another roadside gift shop and then head back out. By now, I was more almost to Gettysburg and excitement was mounting in my chest. It had been days since I'd last seen Clay and I just want to hold him. I want to feel his strong arms around me and I want to see him smile again.

I think most of all, though, I want to see his face when I tell him he's going to be a father.

I think that is the biggest reason for making this trip. I wouldn't want to tell Clay this news over the phone, so that wasn't an option. But Clay would have understood if I waited until he got home to tell him, it was only another day until he was due home.

But I wanted to tell Clay in person. Once I got over the initial shock of this news, all I wanted to do was tell Clay. I want him to know, I don't want him to spend any more time than necessary without knowing this information because I know it will make him incredibly happy. I want Clay to know that we did this amazing thing, we made a life together and that is amazing. I want to share this news with him because, even though I've only known for a few hours, I feel like I'll burst if I don't tell someone, if I don't tell _him_. And I know that, if I waited to tell him, I wouldn't get any sleep tonight. All I would be able to think about is Clay, how he is living his life without knowing he is going to be a father.

I know I keep a cool exterior, but there are two things that terrify me: heights and danger to people I love. Clay helps me with my fear of heights; he helped me on the bridge where we met and whenever we fly on a plane somewhere, he keeps me calm. That is what I need, I think. I need him to keep me calm because, though I am elated right now, I am also kind of terrified. What if something goes wrong? I know it is unlikely that something will go wrong, but just in case I want Clay by my side, holding my hand. I want him to tell me not to freak out and I want him to tell me that everything will be okay, because we have each other and our kid is going to be alright.

Ugh, I am freaking out way too much today. Damn hormones.

* * *

><p>Finally, I reached Pennsylvania. It was pretty late, nearly nine o' clock. I was hoping Clay was at his hotel by now, the name of which I got off of the itinerary he wrote down for me and left stuck to the fridge with a magnet so I would know where he was staying. I found his hotel about an hour after crossing over the Pennsylvania border.<p>

I walked into the hotel and quickly found the gift shop. I wasn't sure how long the hotel's doors would be open and accessible to people like myself without room keys so I just wanted to get there as soon as possible so I wouldn't be locked out. So, I went to the hotel gift shop.

Unfortunately, at first glance the selection of items in the gift shop was a little grim. There were a bunch of t-shirts that proudly declared "I've been to Gettysburg!" and a postcards that featured brightly colored maps of Pennsylvania. There were also shot glasses and lighters for sale, but I decided against those.

After wandering the store for a few minutes, I found my way to the back of the shop. It looked like a bunch of rejected items like mud-green t-shirts and creepy dolls. I was about to give up and start my search again when I spotted it: a box of stickers. Knowing that Clay is just an overgrown child at heart, I know he'll like stickers.

I rummage through the box for a bit then find the perfect gift: Wolverine stickers.

Wolverine is Clay's favorite superhero, so I know Clay will love this.

I paid for the stickers then went to front desk of the hotel to speak with the clerk.

"Hi," I said. "My husband has a room here tonight and I was hoping to surprise him by coming here, so is there a way he could be paged to the front desk or something?"

The clerk nodded and smiled a bit. "Sure, that shouldn't be a problem. What's his name and room number?"

"His name is Clay Evans, he is in room 707" I said, thankful I remembered the room number he put on his itinerary.

The clerk nodded and reached for the phone behind the desk. He dialed a few numbers than spoke into the receiver. "Hello Mr. Evans. There is a special delivery for you at the front desk, so please come down to claim it. …Thank you, sir. Have a good evening."

The clerk put down the phone and turned to me with a grin. "All set. Your husband will be down here in a few minutes."

I smiled at the clerk. "Thank you so much."

Soon Clay appeared at the end of the hallway that connected the elevator area to the front desk area.

"Sara," he said, a bit shocked.

"Surprise!" I said with a huge grin.

Clay flashed his gorgeous grin and walked towards me. "What are you doing here? Did you drive all the way up here?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I drove up here because it is our anniversary and the only way I want to spend it is with you."

Clay, now standing in front of me, looked down at his watch. "Sara, there are two hours left of our anniversary," he said with a slight chuckle.

"Well," I began, "all I want is to spend those two hours with you."

"I'm guessing you're the reason I was called to the front desk?" Clay asked.

I nodded, grinning still.

"You've got a good woman there, Mr. Evans," the front desk clerk said to Clay. "She came here to surprise you on your anniversary? That is a good woman right there."

Clay smiled. "Tell me about it," he said, winking at me. He spoke to me. "Come on, let's go upstairs."

I took his hand with my hand that wasn't holding his bag of gifts then followed him to his room.

* * *

><p>"I'm so happy you're here, Sara," Clay said. We were in his hotel room, sitting on his bed. He offered me a water bottle from the mini fridge in the room.<p>

"Clay, stuff from those fridges are so overpriced," I said.

"Well it's our anniversary so I think it is okay to splurge a bit," Clay said.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "If you insist," I said, taking a bottle of water. "Thank you. And, for the record, I'm really happy I'm here, too."

"Why did you come up here?" Clay asked. "I know you didn't fly because you hate flying, so the drive must have been like seven and a half hours."

"More like eight," I said. "With frequent stops along the way to buy you anniversary gifts."

Clay smiled briefly, but then his face fell. "Crap, Sara, I am so sorry. I haven't had time to get you anything. I sent flowers to the house but they were supposed to arrive this afternoon, so I guess you didn't see them."

"Honey, don't worry about it," I said. "Here, open your gift."

He took the blue gift bag that I held out to him. He took out the card and read it quietly. I watched the emotions on his face change as he read my message.

"Thank you, Sara," he said. "I love you, too. I know it has been hard to have me traveling so often and I love you for putting up with me."

"You may be a knucklehead, but you're _my _knucklehead," I said jokingly, drawing a grin from my husband. "There's more in the bag."

Clay pulled the cap out of the bag. "Wow, thanks Sara," Clay said happily. "You did always say I look good in hats."

I smiled. "Yeah. And all your agent buddies have caps and jerseys from the deals they make, so I figured you should have a cap commemorating the biggest deal you've made so far."

Clay smiled. "It is great. Thank you." He pulled the last gift – the stickers – from the bag. "Speaking of great! Sara, these are so cool!"

I laughed. Of course the Wolverine stickers drew the biggest reaction from Clay. "I thought I would appeal to the child in you."

"You know me so well Sara Evans," Clay said, leaning in for a kiss. "Seriously, thank you."

I smiled. "It was my pleasure. It made the road trip interesting, stopping in every state to pick something for you. A card from home, the bag from Virginia, the cap from Maryland of course, and the stickers from this very hotel. It took a bit of time to find the perfect stickers in the discount bin, but clearly I only pick the best for you," I joked.

"Now I really feel bad about not getting you anything," Clay said. He stood up so he could feel through his pockets to try to find something – anything – to give to me. I grinned at his cute effort. "Actually, I, uh, got you this pen."

"Thank you, Clay," I said. "This is a really seriously fancy pen."

Clay chuckled. "Yeah, my boss gave it to me at the beginning of this trip. He said a serious agent needs a serious fountain pen to sign deals."

I smiled. "I'm glad he considers you a serious agent."

"Me too."

"Although, I must say," I began, "Fountain pens aren't always what they're cracked up to be. They never put out the right amount of ink, it is always either way too much or not nearly enough."

"Very good point," Clay said. "I was thinking the same thing when my boss gave me this pen, actually. But I guess it is the thought that counts."

"And your boss was thinking that you are a serious agent," I said with a smile.

Clay smiled too. "Yeah, I think he does."

"That is really good," I said. "I am so proud of you for working so hard."

Clay smiled weakly. "Thank you," he said. "But I'm a little worried."

I turned my body so that I wasn't sitting next to him, I was sitting on the bed facing him. "Why?"

"If I get really into this, I am going to be traveling a lot," Clay said. "Travel is a huge part of my job. That can't be easy on a relationship."

"Well we've managed it fine so far," I said.

"How?" Clay said. "What, you're just going to road trip to see me every time you miss me?"

I slid back away from Clay, taken aback by his question. "What, do you not want me here?"

Clay leaned forward and put an arm on my shoulder. "No, Sara, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just…I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?" I asked, moving back towards him.

"I don't like leaving you alone," Clay said.

I smiled, laughing a bit to myself as the baby popped into my mind. "You don't need to worry about me being alone."

"I know, you are so strong and so independent and I love that about you," Clay said. "But still, I don't like being apart from you a lot."

"Clay, once you get settled into this firm and cement yourself as a solid agent, you won't travel as much," I said. "You won't be traveling this much forever."

"But that could take years to get to the place in my agency," Clay responded.

"Clay," I said, taking his hand. "Trust me. We'll make it work."

"What happens when we have kids?" Clay asked.

I hope he wasn't paying particularly close attention to my hand that he was holding, because it started to sweat as I got nervous. Does he know about the baby? He can't.

I quickly regained my composure and spoke. "Clay, don't worry," I said. "I know you will be in our children's lives. There is more to being a father than simply being present. Yes, you will have to travel often for a while but you and I both know that you make our time together worthwhile." Clay smiled. "Remember what I said when I asked you to marry me?"

"You said that a wedding ring shows that I am mature, responsible, and dependable," Clay said.

"Right," I replied. "While the jury is still out on mature, you are definitely responsible and dependable. So when our family does expand, I know you'll be amazing."

"Thank you," Clay said."I just can't help but feel like it would be easier if I had a different job."

"Why did you apply for a job at this agency?" I asked.

"Because it was my dream to be a sports agent," he said.

"Right," I said. "You chased your dream. And that is the best thing you can ever do. I love you so much for having a dream, having a goal and going after it with everything you've got. I understand that there are things you need to do for your job and I think you need to understand that I want you to do whatever you have to in order to get your dream. You are doing the right thing by chasing your dream."

"You're my dream too," Clay said.

"And you're mine," I replied. In that moment, hearing what Clay just said and looking into his amazing eyes, I couldn't help myself. I leaned in and gave him one of the most passionate kisses we've shared in a while.

At first Clay was a little surprised and he smiled, which he knows I love. Clay returned the kiss and started a few more.

"I love you so much," I managed to say in the few seconds my lips were apart from his.

"I love you so much, Sara," Clay said in response. He managed to sweep his gifts off of the bed and he laid down so that I was lying on top of him.

"Is this the responsible thing to do right now?" Clay asked.

I sat up. "Clayton Evans, it is our first wedding anniversary and I haven't seen you in days. Are you really objecting to this?"

Clay's eyes got wide and he shook his head. "No. Absolutely not."

I smiled. "Good." I laid down again on him and kissed him, then laid next to him.

"I'm confused," Clay said.

"What?" I said.

"First you want to kiss for a while – which I am so okay with – and then you turn off," Clay explains.

I chuckled. "Sorry, honey. I got distracted."

"By what?"

"Well, the kissing was the distraction," I said. "I came here to tell you something and I got distracted by how amazing you are and by how badly I wanted to kiss you."

"Well I, for one, am happy you got distracted," Clay said.

I laughed. "Me too."

"But what did you want to tell me?" Clay asked. "And have you heard of a phone?"

I turned my head to look at him and he turned his to look at me.

"I didn't think this could be said over the phone," I said. My heart started pounding again. This was it, I was going to tell him now. Damn it, I am going to freak out again. I know he wants this and he'll be okay with it but I think every woman goes through this at times like this. I think every woman is partially terrified when they tell their significant other that they are pregnant. It is a humongous change, no matter how welcome and wanted it is.

I really need to stop freaking out today.

"Sara, what is it?" Clay asked. He must have noticed some expression on my face that showed I was nervous. "Are you okay?"

I smiled. I'm ready for this. "I'm perfect," I said.

"What did you want to tell me?" Clay asked.

I sat up and took his hand, then led him to my overnight bag that I brought. I reached into a pocket and pulled out the paper from Jess's office this morning.

"Okay, random piece of paper," Clay said. "You know, you giving me something to read does not count as literally 'telling' me something."

"Clay read the paper," I said, a hint of hopefulness and happiness in my voice.

Clay must have picked up on that because he dropped his joking and got serious. "You went to the doctor today? Are you okay?"

I smiled. "I told you, I'm perfect." I pointed at the line Jess pointed out to me this morning. Wow, this morning felt like days ago. "Do you see this percentage here? It shows the amount of a certain hormone in my blood."

"So, this means…"

I smiled. "This means that I'm pregnant," I said. "This means that we are going to have a baby, Clay."

"What?" Clay asked, shocked.

I smiled as I put the paper on the table near us and took his hands in mine. "You're going to be a father, Clay. I'm going to be a mother. We're going to be parents." My voice cracked a bit at the end. I felt emotion coming over me. Telling Clay made it seem so real and seeing a smile tug at the corners of his mouth now and seeing his blue eyes get blurry with tears made me lose it.

"You're okay with this, right?" I asked, just to be sure, hopefulness returning to my voice.

"Of course I'm okay with this," Clay said. He wrapped me in a hug. "Sara, thank you so much."

I laughed. "For what?"

"This baby," Clay said.

"It isn't even here yet," I said with a giggle. "Besides, I am pretty sure you are equally responsible for the creation of this baby."

Clay laughed. "True. But I want to thank you anyway. This is the best anniversary gift I've ever received. Hell, this is the best gift _ever_. I'll never forget this."

I smiled and kissed Clay passionately again.

"I'll never love anyone as much as I love you," Clay said once we parted. He pulled me in for a hug and rested his chin on the top of my head while I nuzzled my head into his shoulder.

"I love you, too, Clay," I said. "So much. I really do think you'll be an amazing father."

Clay smiled. "This kid is going to be so lucky to have you as a mother."

I took Clay's hands and put them on my stomach, which was still flat. Somehow, though, it felt different. While I was driving today, I kept one arm over my stomach. Although that is not the safest way to drive – one handed, I mean – I still felt safer because it was my way of protecting my baby, the life inside me. I spent much of the drive half focusing on driving and half focusing on trying to feel a difference with my body. Though I didn't find any noticeable difference, I still felt different. I couldn't see the baby or feel it in there, but just knowing it was there just made me feel…different. It made me feel good and happy.

"How far along are you?" Clay asked. "And you just found out this morning?"

"Five weeks," I said. "And yeah. I woke up and realized I was tired a lot and sick a lot and late, so I went to Jess and she did a test in her office and that's how I found out. And that's why I decided to come here today. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight unless you knew."

"I'm glad you came," Clay said.

"I am, too," I said.

Suddenly, Clay swooped me up and had me in his arms.

I squealed and laughed. "What are you doing?"

Clay smiled. "Carrying you to bed, silly."

I laughed again. "Clay, I'm pregnant, not an invalid. I can walk."

"True," he said. "But the point is you don't have to. I'm going to carry you when want me to, and even when you don't. I'm going to be there for everything through all of this."

"Clay-" I started, but he cut me off.

"No, Sara, trust me," Clay said. Now it was my turn to cut him off.

"I do trust you, always," I said.

"I know," Clay said. "Sorry, that was poor word usage. But seriously, I am going to be there for you and with you through all of this. You get morning sickness, I'll hold your hair back. You go to the doctor for a checkup, I will hold your hand. I don't want to miss anything."

"You won't," I said. "I know you travel a lot, but it'll be okay."

"Is it normal to kind of freak out like this?" Clay asked.

I laughed a bit to myself and smiled. "Yes, it is."

We stayed up until four in the morning talking about the baby. We suggested names to each other – Clay wanted to name the kid after me but I wanted it to be named after Wolverine, because of the stickers and because he is Clay's favorite superhero. We theorized about what the baby would look like – we both guessed blue eyes but then Clay suggested that since both his parents have brown eyes, those are pretty likely. We pretty much assumed the baby would have blond hair, because of my blonde hair and Clay's light brown almost dark blond locks. I hoped the kid would smile like Clay, while Clay hope the kid would smile like me. We both agreed it would be best if the baby did not inherit Clay's dancing skills – or lack thereof. I hoped the baby would grow up to be easygoing and kind like it's dad, while Clay hoped the baby would be spontaneous and caring like me.

That was definitely one of the best nights I've ever had.

And now here I am, looking over my beautiful son Logan and his father Clay from afar. I'm glad Clay found his way back to Logan after he lost him. I am so proud of Clay for taking this on and coming back to raise Logan. Seeing Clay be so good with Logan, even after their years apart, warms my heart so much. While it hurts almost unbearable to know that I can't ever be with Logan again and he will never really know me, it helps to know that I will know him and I will watch him grow up.

I haven't spoken to Clay in a while, but he's come to my grave and spoken to me. I want to talk to him so badly, to thank him for finding Logan again and taking him in, but I know that Clay doesn't need me like he used to anymore. He doesn't need to see me just to make it through the day. Clay's moving on, Logan is moving on, and here I am, a guardian angel of sorts, protecting them and watching them.

I am so happy with how Logan is now. He has my parents, who will always love him. He has Clay, who will be the amazing father I always knew he would be. And he has two moms. He has me to watch over him. I hope Clay will tell him that he can talk to me whenever he wants to, or whenever he needs to. And Logan also has Quinn, who can be more of a mom to him now than I can. And that is okay. I want Logan to be surrounded by people who love him, and the people around him now do love him. Logan has a good family. It is unconventional, sure, but we're loving.

**That's all, folks. I think it might have ended weirdly and I am not too pleased with how I wrote Sara. I watched clips of Sara from the show to try to really understand how she acts and the way she talks but I feel like I might have missed the mark and I'm not sure how to perfect it. **

**Please let me know what you think in a review!**

**Thank you for reading! **


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